Mea Culpa

It has been pointed out to me that I failed to update y'all on the outcome of Monday's activities.

Well, I started running. I'm still at the run 30-90 steps, walk 30-90 steps phase, but today I did this to and from campus. With my extra time, I should be able to manage training a few times a week.

Yes, I will have extra time. I told 'unofficial boss' first. And, in one of *those* moments, I decided to tell boss personally. He didn't deserve it, but in the interest. . . . .I did. I gave my two week notice for project number 1. This was the project I really hated. I also gave my notice for the other project- but will continue until the proposal is turned in at the end of Oct. We just have so much going on that feel it's only fair to not desert the project.

I did give Sarah as the official reason.

I also talked with the guy who left the project a year ago. He was a bit surprised to learn that "everyone found me difficult to work with," which made me feel good.

So, I'm going to try to finish up some of my projects, work on handing off others. I'm going to continue to working on the third grant. So, for the next two weeks, I will work on all three grants, then until October I will work the two grants (20 hours) and teach, then after that I will be down to one 8 hour job and teaching.

So, soon I will have no excuses not to keep the house clean, dinner nice and organized, and to exercise regularly.

I did spend a bit of time trying to reconcile myself to being at home again rather than working. I know I'm lucky to have the ability to work just enough to keep my foot in the door. This is important because if some we win some of the larger scale proposals that have included some administrative support, I can be added without too much trouble.

Last night, a friend and I celebrated. She made margaritas and a wonderful Spanikopita using mixed greens from the veggie guy. We watched a very funny and cheesy movie called "The Librarian, Quest for the Spear." We decided we really should have had wine with that much cheese. The cast was wonderful - Noah Wylie, Bob Newhart, Jane Curtain, Olivia Dukakus.

The realization and solution

I figured some of it out.

I've been trying to figure out what has changed this year - why did I not mind my job the first few years, and dread it now? The B was the same, but something else obviously changed.

I realized what it was for both the jobs.

About a year ago, one of the co-directors for the institute quit the project because he was tired of not being respected. He did so by throwing a spectacular email tantrum. Now, to his credit, most of what he said was VERY true. On a side note, the B forwarded this email to all his students (they should never be included in faculty issues) as he way of alerting them to his leaving the project and another grant. Now, this guy wasn't as involved in the grant because he and B fought over control but he was part of the institute. B was great at finding the funding opportunities, M was great at finding the heart - the things you do because it is the right thing to do even if it doesn't make money and sometimes costs it. The focus of the institute shifted from being a well rounded organization to being "how much money can we make."

I stopped liking it. I wasn't go at doing activities I don't believe in, I couldn't just produce a product I didn't think had value or a market that would buy it. As my "failure to produce" on the one project existed - the perception became that I wasn't producing in either project.

The other project was a different ball of wax. I've done more to run the project than an other individual. I would determine what needed to be done and many times make sure someone was doing it. I had very little support and even less thanks or appreciation.

So, now I understand why.

Now that I understand why, I can better prepare what to say. After all, I truly know that telling the truth will not help anything. I'm thinking that I may just say that I'm cutting back my workload because Sarah needs me more (which is true). If pushed about why I'm leaving these projects, I'll start with "I'm ready for a new challenge." I think that will allow the graceful exit.

I did tell my "new boss" that I'm making a change. She thought that it was a big loss for the other projects, but was really glad I was going to stick with her. I didn't tell her that there are some who wouldn't view it as anything big.

I've done the "not really working" thing before. I'm getting comfortable with the idea of doing it again. I just found out a friend is taking over our local dance studio, and is going to relocate it and expand it to include a gymnastics gym - something we have REALLY missed over the past 4 years. I've told her that I'm willing to help any way she needs. If I'm only working a little, I'll have time to do that.

So that is where my brain is! Better than the other day. Now to reconcile myself to not having a reason for my house to be a mess or my dinners not to be organized.

Need help relating to middle school aged kids

At our school, we have a summer youth program where high school students from around the state come to learn about various topics. This year, one of the graduate students asked if I would give a talk on sustainability. I'm not really qualified to talk about sustainability in construction, so we ended up talking about how society affects changes.

This weeks group is y0unger - 7th - 9th grade.

SO - I need some examples of cultural changes they have experiences. Good and bad things they understand. How can I present this information in terms they know?

Previously, I've used two ways to convey this during my 45 minutes. One by having the students try to build a structure working together - except they have been assigned what I call a barrier personality. These are people who can make working together as a team hard (such as the person who won't listen to anyone else's ideas but insists that their ideas are the only right way).

The other way is to talk about how things that are good have negative issues and so we, as a society, must decide if the good outweighs the bad. For example, Amazon will make suggestions to us about books we might enjoy based on previous purchases. That can be useful. But, if they sell that information to say, the republican party, the republican party can filter it with all of the other information they compile to predict the individuals voting tendencies (Applebees America).

So, now that I've given you examples of what I've done in the past, I'd love some ideas for what I can do in the future.

And now I wait. . .

If I don't get the job, it won't be because I didn't prove I was capable, understood the issues, and demonstrated experience in 95% of all items. In fact, the one area that I didn't have direct experience, I was able to describe the university resources, policies, possible models, and disadvantage the School will have in utilizing part of the model (as well as the faculty resistance)..

They did tell me that I'd have to give up teaching for the job - but I told them that I can't work full time and teach and that I recognized that it was an either or situation that I had come to terms with when I applied for the job.

The hope to either make a decision out of today's interviews or hold second interviews next week. They want a quick start date.

I do really want to say more (esp before I forget), but I'm too tired. I hope I don't forget by tomorrow.

Sarah has a friend spending the night tonight, so I may be awake for a bit.

I did come to a realization. I'm not sure if I"m opposed to working full time, or if I'm opposed to working full time if it's going to be at a job that is not at my capability. Maybe if I'm actually doing what I could be, working at my respected level rather than just working at my level in a job that isn't - maybe I won't be so frustrated by in.

In the past 10 years, I've had no real potential at any of my jobs. I came close to my level for 3 mos. This is the closest I've come.

The best part, I know that I'm not going to be stuck forever! When asked if I was available quickly, I said that I'd already thought about my exit strategy. I didn't tell them that it was because I was exiting no matter what.

I did send my email thank you note tonight. I prefer snail mail for thank yous, but I did email because the turn around is fast and I needed to send them a references contact information. (I didn't bring it on purpose so I would have something to contact back with.)

Life is better

I feel better. I had my temper tantrum, I got some sleep last night, and I emailed someone at the meeting to see what I should have done.

And, it's OK for now, but I know I'm getting out soon.

Tuesday, while I was emailing a friend of mine that I needed to check on the status of the job I applied for, I got a call from the department to set up an interview. So, first thing Friday morning I go in for an interview for a job I want - except it's full time.

So, I've been doing my research to try to piece together views of the new Dean. I also obtained some information that gave me a couple of good info. They are trying to fill the position quickly - they want the person in by Sept 2nd when classes start.

My suit is dry cleaned. I printed an analysis I did on our website. Tomorrow, I'll go through the job description and line up my experience with the expected job duties. I'm also talking with someone from the dept tomorrow to find out what I can about the direction the Dean wants to take the school and the plan for the programs.

I also ended up talking with the person who does recruitment/marketing for the Grad school. I told him that I was interviewing for the job and he was very encouraging. We've been working together a bit on activities for the projects I work on. He also agreed to be a reference and said he was looking forward to working with the person (and I get to market that I already have experience working with this guy!).

I've decided that even though I'm not sure if I want to work full time, I'm putting everything into the job (you never know what might happen) and I'll just wait until I have something to decide before I make any decisions. BUT, I'm having a tough time trying to not get caught up in the excitement. Up here, Director level jobs RARELY open up.

In the "most embarrassing moment of the day" I give you this story. On July 1, we got a new Department Chair. It was someone who I've known more socially and chatted with here and there over the past few years. I was standing in my friend's office and told her about my interview, doing my happy dance. I noticed behind me "DC" in the doorway. He told us that it was OK, happy dances where ok. "S" said she wasn't dancing. "DC" observed that she doth protest too much and I added "and the other one just blushes." He agreed it was a pretty impressive blush.

Then again, "DC" did see me successfully dance with 3 inch heels at a party one night. LOL.

The gift, the power, the reminder (oh and the kids)

The gift: The other day, I was commenting about something from work that had frustrated me. My very sweet husband reminded me that I could walk away from this job any time I wanted. I don't have to work, I can do what I want.

The power: It's nice being in a position that I can do what I want. I can just decide to teach my one course a semester, I can work only on the grant that we were just awarded, I can keep working in my current capacity. I have the power to walk away whenever I want!

The reminder: Yesterday I had my first meeting with the faculty members of the new grant. We were going to discuss the database I was setting up for them. I spent about an hour the night before looking over the proposal and setting up fields to collect all the information that was necessary. We only could manage 1/2 meeting, so I knew we needed to start with something to modify rather than from scratch.

We had a lovely meeting where we discussed things that needed to be modified, changed, or deleted. All of them were necessary changes and not just change for change sake. J commented how thrilled she was with the work I had done and how surprised she was that I came in with a solid product. She was expecting that we would talk about what was needed, not modify something that was already started.

What a interesting reminder of how it is be to treated like a professional!

The bonus (I mean the girls): Yesterday was haircut day. Sarah has wanted her hair cut short for MONTHS. We told her that we need to wait until dance show because I wasn't doing a ballet bun with short hair. Then, she was planning to try to grow it long enough to donate. She finally decided she couldn't take it anymore and low and behold she wanted it short enough that we could just eek out 9 inches which one group will accept for donation. I'll post pics after I take them.

(and the weird): When we got the stove, I had cut the box open with a razor blade, which I promptly lost. I was stripping the wax off the floor, so the kitchen was torn apart and I never found it. I finally decided that I must have dropped it into the empty box and didn't think about it until last night when DH walked into the kitchen and called to me (I was in the living room) asking if I wanted to leave the razor blade on the kitchen floor [yea, that was my plan - rolls eyes]. I didn't see it there 1/2 hour earlier! Really weird.

I wish I had thought of that. . .

Oh wait, I did.

Two years ago, I suggested making an internal change that would better allow us to manage the students we pay from the grant I work on, but it was rejected because our director of research didn't understand what I was saying.

So this summer, I convinced her that we should make the change and she agreed. But, then my surgery hit and I didn't get the paperwork done for a couple of months. By then she changed her mind and decided to do an offline approval. So, we are now having issues with setting the students up for their spring and summer payroll because the timing of the index.

So, after telling one person what the plan was this fall, I get an email saying "no, you should fill out a time extension form." I explained that I tried that and it was rejected and this was the agreed on plan. The next email said "but, all we have to do is this and it would make so much more sense to do an internal change." I explained that Yes, I agree but it was already rejected. I was willing to submit the paperwork again, but not until I had an assurance that it would be accepted since the director changed her mind this fall.

So, I get an email from the director saying that we should do the time extension, but only until spring because by then we should have the funding in house.

I had to explain that if we do the extension, we should do it though summer because the students are on a 12 month appointment and if we do it until spring, that means the staff will need to put the students into the system 3 times this year instead of twice (and I had been working on a one-time entry that was rejected). - I'm still waiting for a response on the spring versus summer extension.I really wish I had thought of extending the time. . . .because their way is so much easier then the way we've been doing it for the past four years.

General musing! Grab a cuppa, it's a long one

So much on my brain, and so little energy. Yesterday morning I woke up early to finish some stuff from work. OK, OK, I know, 5:30 in the morning wasn't normal work hours. But, I have a certain way that I work best. I learned as an undergrad that if I work on something for a bit in the evening and the words aren't coming, I go to bed and let my brain process, wake up at 5:00 or 5:30 and crank out what was giving me a block.

Anyway, while I was working, I could hear a mouse entertaining him or herself in the kitchen, then the playroom, then running across the living room floor.

Last night I kept waking up and hearing the same mouse. I didn't sleep well.

On the job front: Yesterday I was having lunch with a friend and her husband. Believe it or not, I'm buying meals to eat at the dorms. The variety is better than the on campus eatery and the price is better too. So, while we were sitting there, the guy who is the manager of the job I'm thinking about applying for sat down with us. It was a bit of kismet.

So, at the moment, he is willing to let me work 20 hours this semester, 30 next, and then work 30 hours in the fall and 40 hours in the spring. The potential flexibility is great because it means that I can keep teaching. But, he said that he really would like to ultimately like to have someone full time. Eventually I would too.

I talked to DH about it a bit last night, and he told me to be wary of jumping to another job quickly that still isn't what I want to do nor is a promotion. I do like my job, it's just my boss who bugs me. And, not all the time. I think that I can make a difference where I am. . . . and I have some things in the works that I'd like to see through this year.

This job is either something that will take off and grow, and I could grow with it - or it will fall apart within the next few years.

I was going to try to apply over the weekend, but I think I might try to meet with the Director one more time to get a better idea of the job and expectations. I want to make sure that at the beginning of the job, it's not going to have too many administrative tasks - I'm not good at them.

Sarah had a soccer game last night. One of the downsides to teaching is that Sarah plays Tuesdays or Thursdays - the days I teach. So, I didn't get to watch the soccer game last night, but I hear Sarah did really well. She's come close to getting some goals. I need to bring the video camera to Sat. games to film both girls. I have been amused at DH. This spring he was rolling his eyes at the idea of a travel team for 1st graders. Now he is talking to Sarah's coaches about how she might be able to try out. It is true that Sarah loves soccer and is showing some skills. It is also true that playing travel teams now will help her is she wants to play in high school as she would be competing against kids who have been on travel teams. And, she does need more skills practice (I think I want to propose to our soccer association that they incorporate more practice time in the season rather than 3 weeks of practice and 2 mos of 2 games per week. If they changed some of the mid-week games to practice during the season, the kids would be able to hone the skills they are starting to understand during the games.

I'm really enjoying my students and class this fall. About half of them are really talking. Last night they did complain that there was alot being assigned, but I pointed out that I could change it some, but then they would be writing their paper over the week long Thanksgiving break (ok, I didn't tell them they would be reading a book, but its not quite the same!) When I explained that there are a lot of requirements for the class and I do try to spread the work out (and give them reading assignments in at least a week before it's due so they can work on it when they have time rather than try to read stuff in just a few days - they understood that I am considering their limitations and trying to be considerate.

In between dance for Sydney, homework for Sarah, and Soccer for Sarah, we went to the picnic for our block at the University President's social house. He doesn't live there, but it is down the street from us so they try to be "neighborly" since we have to deal with the extra traffic when they have events at the house.

I was talking with D a bit and learned a bit more about the house. He was one of 6 kids, so the four bedrooms are a bit small to accommodate the need for some many people. He always thought the garage was too small as it really only accommodated one car even though it's billed as a "two car garage."

I also learned that the room off the garage was used to keep the freezer and store wood for the fireplace.

I also asked when his mom passed away, and he said it was about 1994. So, the R family owned the house for about 8-9 years and we've had it for 5. We are the third owner of the house.

I need to get Sydney to preschool. I hope everyone has a great day.

Amazingly, this was pretty close to right

1. Go here
2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark
3. Take their “Career Matchmaker” questions
4. Post the top ten results.

I did list all 40 and noted which jobs I'm currently doing in bold and notes about others. Not a bad evaluation.


1. Research Analyst (Financial) <---- an actual job of mine
2. Economist
3. Purchaser
4. Venture Capitalist
5. Management Consultant
6. Industrial-Organizational Psychologist <---- considered this as a career at one point.
7. Health Care Administrator <--- almost a job
8. Money Manager
9. Certified Public Accountant
10. Insurance Underwriter
11. Project Manager <---- always been a component of almost all my jobs
12. Logistics Specialist <----- done this one too
13. Association Manager
14. Forester
15. Operations Research Analyst
16. ESL Teacher
17. Website Designer
18. Curator
19. Foreign Language Instructor
20. Mathematician
21. Office Manager
22. Industrial Designer
23. Technical Writer <---- done this as part of jobs too
24. Historian
25. Interior Designer <---- you'd not think this if you saw my house
26. Desktop Publisher
27. Multimedia Developer
28. Anthropologist
29. Professor <--------- Currently doing this
30. Office Machine Repairer
31. Computer Programmer
32. Computer Network Specialist
33. Electronics Engineering Tech
34. Electrical Engineering Tech
35. Cabinetmaker <----- cool! I just DH to finish giving me lessons.
36. Sign Maker
37. Model Maker
38. Computer Trainer
39. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
40. Electronics Assembler

I've been so uninspired

You may have noticed my lack of posts - I feel like I've not gotten control of my life since my travel to Baton Rouge. Just Friday, I finally cleaned the last of the items out of my garment bag. I must admit, I didn't take it downstairs yet - but I also fly back to Baton Rouge next weekend and leave Sat night. Thankfully, this time someone else organized the travel. I was still heavily involved, but I didn't have to constantly call to fix and change as everyone changed their mind.

It was originally decided that we didn't want to fly out of our airport because it was a bit expensive and we would have 2 layovers each way. If we flew from the airport 2 hours away, we could go on a different airline with one layover BUT, they wanted to take a flight that would require us to leave at noon the second day. I wasn't sure that 1.5 days would be enough time to finish everything and if we left before finished, the entire trip would be a waste. By the time the people we were visiting got back to us, flights from our airport and airport M were sold out, except the 6:50 flight from M (on the same airline we travel from our airport with the 2 layovers). We didn't want to spend the night in the other town, so they started talking about changing the date.

Thankfully, it dawned on me that we could go to airport R which was also 2 hours away. They had a flight that was at 8:15, but we would change time zones so it would be as if it was 9:15. So, if we left at 5:30 am, we'd have no problem getting to the airport and wouldn't have to leave at 3:00 am. On this airline, we could leave at 4:30 pm (meet until 2:30). I would get late enough that we decided to stay at a hotel and drive back in the morning.

Well, someone in the group decided they didn't want to get up too early in the morning, so we have to drive down Sat night and spend the night again.

So, to save a few hours and keep the price down, we are now driving 2 hours, have the two layovers, and spending 2 extra nights in hotels instead of originally scheduling the same flights out of our home airport.

*shakes head*

We now only have 5 of us traveling. One person has a World Club membership (we believe) and can get in two guests. I was talking to one of the directors who is traveling with us and told her that I'm more than willing to buy a one day pass if someone else will (I didn't want to say she should but I did imply it). She seemed willing. This way, we will all have access to the place during all our layovers.

My house is almost clean after being gone, I hope that it doesn't take 2 weeks for me to get stuff back in order after I get return again.

~oOo~

The girls are currently practicing hula hooping. Sarah has finally gotten the hang of is. She has mastered the art of walking and turning around while she is hula hooping.

Sydney is too cute while she tries to hula hoop. We finally got her to understand that she has to wiggle her hips while trying to hula hoop. Four year old shaking hips are too cute. Sydney is actually getting to the point that she can get a circle before it falls. At the rate she's going, she will be able to hula hoop by the end of summer.

The sad part is that my 4 y.o. is doing a better job than I am!! Not that I practice while anyone is home *grin*

~oOo~

Another reason I'm not around much is that I've finally become inspired at work again. Pushing hard to accomplish all the work I need to do (and I do have some big deadlines coming up) really has me pushing hard. When I return, I also will have to work from home a bit as Sydney's tonsil/adenoid surgery is the day after I get home. I do love my bosses because they are letting me work from home rather than find someone to care for Sydney while she recovers. I did explain to them that working from home had less to do with my not wanting to take leave and everything to do with my need to get my deadlines met.

I'll stop rambling. I'll do Sunday Six later (we have a makeup gymnastics class at 9:30 and have to sell cookies again this week for 2 hours - the mom who volunteered backed out, not that I was surprised)