So, about 15 mos ago I sprained my ankle. It was pretty bad and I couldn't stand on the balls of my foot between Nov and March.

So, the other day I opened my treadmill. I really want to become more active. After 10 minutes I had to stop. My ankle just hurt too much. It's not stopped.

I ran into my doctor tonight and broke my cardnial rule - I asked her medical opinion outside of her office. I asked her what I should do now. She was a bit surprised that its still hurting.

She thought I should try PT for a few weeks or so and then, if need be, go see her favorite orthopeadic surgeon who does feet/ankles. Of course, he lives 10 hours away.

I will probably make an appointment to meet with our radiologist to see if there is something else we can check from here - some view we've not look at.

I know from talking to his wife that he had a foot injury that he had to live with for years until a Dr. finally looked at one further slice of the radiology records. So, I know that he will take my request seriously.

All I know is that I'm so very tired of my life being adversly impacted by a simple ankle sprain.

I love it when you remember

Tonight, I was able to rejoin my tap class. I started an adult tap class 4 years ago (Fall 2003). I had to take last year off because of an ankle injury and only was able to rejoin the class the last month - long enough to learn the recital piece (yes, I'm a 40 year old dancing in a children's recital).

I couldn't dance in the fall because it backed up to my class. So, tonight I finally dusted off my tap shoes.

I was shocked! I remember everything (even the 5 different timesteps) and picked up the rest quickly.

So, now I'm icing my slightly sore ankle and so thrilled I went tonight!

Rambling Notes

I think that there must be ice in that really hot place that bad people go.

For YEARS I've tried to convince Sarah to try oatmeal. I've fixed it a gazillion different ways. On Tuesday's I don't work. I was planning on exercising as soon as the kids left (more on this later) so I ate breakfast when I woke up. Sarah walked up to me and said "Mommy, can I have some oatmeal for breakfast?" Um, yea. She ate it all! Something is wrong with the world today.

Oh, and the sun is out. *shakes head*

So, yesterday I taped an exercise show on FitTV. It's aerobics on the stability ball. As bad as my ankle is feeling these days, I thought maybe it would be good for me. So, I grabbed my stability ball from the basement and tried it out. Needed air. Grabbed the bike pump, pumped it up. Started the video and it still needed more air. Added more air and I lost the plug for the ball. I can't do the tape now.

*shakes head*

Oh well. I'll try again after I go volunteer in Sarah's class.

Why do we shoot ourselves in the foot

Part of my job involves administering a major NSF grant. We currently have approximately 20 students who I closely work with. Some of our students are starting to approach graduation. With this, is the desire to test drive the anticipated PhD to see if they can find employment.

From this program, we expect our students will either go into academia or industry. We hope for academia.

Unfortunately, many of the faculty seem to believe that the only schools worth pursuing employment are major research institutions. The better the name, the better our success.

Unfortunately, some of the students we attract into this program want to teach, but not do high powered research. They want to affect education, not find solutions to engineering problems.

One of my friends is such a person. She is torn between going into consulting and going to a teaching focused university. She wants one with graduate work as a preference, but really wants to be in an environment that will allow her to focus (and obtain tenure) on engineering education (and it's reform).

Best yet, she has a firm offer in hand to a school that is OK, in an department that sounds like it will give her success. As she isn't focused on high powered research, she can work 9 mos for a very good salary. She is getting zero encouragement to pursue a teaching focused job. The group she talks to is more interested in helping her "see the light" and benefits of taking a job that is focused more on research and less teaching allowing her to work 60-80 hours per week for 12 mos per year.

I've not understood why we can't help our students find "their" dream!

It really pisses me off because she can't think objectively about this job when all she is hearing is how inadequate she will be in academia if she takes it. She is (legitimately) concerned about if she moves to this department if she will have limited mobility in her career - but she isn't getting to the ability to investigate this as she so busy trying to decide if there is something wrong with her for wanting to pursue this type of academic job and maybe she should go into industry instead. That would be a shame because she would be an amazing faculty member and a great role model for women engineers.

Thank goodness she will listen to me enough so I can remind her that she needs to think about HER wants, not someone else vision of her life.

Dinner Conversation

We started talking about our family and Sarah mentioned I was the oldest, then DH, then Sarah, then Sydney - who was also 4. Knowing how Sydney hates being last, I mentioned that our fish (when we buy one in a few days) will be younger.

Then DH mentioned to Sarah that she could marry someone younger than Sydney. Sydney didn't like this.

"But I want you to marry me!!" was Sydney's contribution.

The expression on Sarah's face was priceless as she didn't want to consider marrying her sister. But, I think Sydney is not looking forward to life without Sarah.

(With three years separating them, I know it won't be long before Sarah wants some separation from her sister. I hope it doesn't break Sydney's heart too much.)

Women and Minority Leaders

[note: Sunday six is in entry below this one]

Kelly asked about Hillary Clinton's announcement that she was running for President of the United States.

For the past 3 semesters, my students have been assigned a paper investigating if the United States is ready for a Woman president as a culture. I've chosen to have them look at how women are affected, but most of the barriers that woman face are the same for minorities of both sexes.

The truth is the Hillary is not the first woman to run for president. Many women who run for president are not able to even make it to the ballots for the primary in their own states. I don't believe any of them have made it to more than a few state ballots. In 1999, Elizabeth Dole attempted a run for president, but she withdrew before the Republican National Convention because she was unable to raise enough money to run an effective campaign. Prior to Hillary, she was the candidate who had the biggest national name recognition.

According to: http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/006232.html "149.1 million The number of females in the United States as of July 1, 2004. That exceeds the number of males (144.5 million). Males outnumbered females in every five-year-age group through the 35- to 39-age group. Starting with the 40- to 44-age group, women outnumbered men. At 85 and over, there were more than twice as many women as men. <http://www.census.gov/popest/national/asrh/NC-EST2004-sa.html>"

Yet, in spite of the split of women to men, women hold a small percentage of the positions in either Congress or I put together a table of women and minorities currently holding positions in Congress or as State Governor.

Minorities include African American, Native American, Hispanic, and Asian/Pacific American. A google search did not pull up any result for minorities elected as Governor, so I didn't include those facts.

While all of these positions are state elections, they are visible enough to draw the attention of special interest groups. But, they don't require the kind of fund raising to launch a national campaign.

Geraldine Ferraro in 1984 was the first woman nominated by one of the two major parties in the United States.

Can Hillary achieve what Elizabeth Dole couldn't - it remains to be seen. I don't mean get the party nomination - that is dependent on if she is the best candidate - but run an effective campaign until the convention. The mix of H. Clinton and Obama should be fun to watch in the coming year.

I'm more concern about why 20 years after Geraldine Ferraro was included on the ballot have we not become more interested in why we are not grooming our women and minorities better for these positions. Does the lack of women and minorities as CEOs of major companies affect their ability to fund raise? How are men groomed for this position? What is it about the cultures of other countries that have made them more comfortable electing women to lead their countries?

I can say that my class (which have proven to be very conservative), the biggest hindrance seems to be the show of strength (I had one young man mentioned that he doesn't respect other countries who have elected women leaders) as the "Leader of the Free World" and a woman's inability to lead a military campaign as Commander-in-Chief. I did have to point out to them that not all presidents have military experience and some that do have never served in battle.

So, why do you think we are so far behind our counterparts in the election of women and minorities as leader of the country (I've not compared the women or minorities in the governing (congress equivalent) in other countries). Is there some change we should make to fund raising rules to make it easier for women and minorities to raise funds to run a campaign.

Happy Birthday Sydney

You are sweet, goofy, lovable and stubborn. We love you so very much. Happy Fourth Birthday!

A funny thing happened on the way to the "party" today. I got to work, grabbed coffee, and sat down to read the online headlines. Sydney's birthday tends to leave me a bit reflective as it's the anniversary of the day I almost lost my life. I spent the morning thinking about the day, planning the email I was going to write to our blood services group to schedule a blood drive. In addition to skilled doctors, the thing that really saved my live was the availability of blood. I used 6 units of various blood products. I've vowed that I would hold a blood drive for each unit I received. I've only managed one drive, but will hold another this spring.

But, as I glanced at the headlines at www.washtingtonpost.com, I saw a headline that captured my attention. It seems that the U.S. plans to attempt it's first uterine transplant on a person. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/14/AR2007011401091.html

Needless to say, there are many people who are against this procedure - much, I suspect, they were opposed to in-vitro, surrogacy, lung and heart transplants, etc. But, these are now seen as mainstream.

The case here, the transplant is temporary - only about as long as it takes to have a child.

The reason this is close to my heart is that I am one of these women. I lost my uterus to save my life. Thankfully, I was lucky. This was my last planned pregnancy. We were fairly certain there would be no more. Not enough to do anything about it yet, but fairly certain.

Unfortunately, when you have a traumatic birth, you really want a do-over. You want a chance to have a happy birth memory. Not one that is fraught with painful recovery and guilty feelings that you can't care for you children. Adoption and Surrogacy help fill some of the void, but they don't completely repair the heart that wanted to feel a child kicking in them, know their child is hearing "their" beating heart and not someone else's.

I understand the drive to want this, pray for it's success. I don't need it, but I understand.

Unfortunately, even after bearing a child, I'm not sure you understand.

I've belonged to a lot of groups in the past 10 years - the ones that experience infertility, the ones who have miscarriages, and the ones who have no uterus. Each one thinks the other has it easier than them. The truth is, ALL are missing a dream. Some have more hope than others, but each groups pain is equal - just different.

My hope today is that we can become a bit more understanding of each other. I hope that my daughters can make a difference someday.

I wish that I could just focus on Sydney's birthday instead of having her day wrapped in so many other feelings.

The story of the bloody mess

Part of my job is to administer a federal grant from the faculty perspective. Because I'm so good at my job, the administration sometimes lets me do their stuff too. My boss (the faculty member who is director of the program) doesn't want details of problems. He either wants to know when it's so bad I need him to yell at people or when it is solved.

This grant is a National Science Foundation (NSF) Grant funded to our university (I'll call us U of Us) with our partner university (I'll call them U of X). The grant is worth millions (we have most, but our partner receives 1 mil for their 5 students per year)

Part of the students responsibility is to participate in an exchange at the other university for a semester.So, we have 6 of our students at the other school (#6-12 who have arrived there) To be considered full time, students must be registered for 9 credits to be full time. These can either be research credits or class credits. The students don't want to take a full course load at University X, so we had arranged for them to take 6 credits at Uof X and 3 research credits at Uof Us. This would require them to take 3 research credits at $500 a credit hour and 6 exchange credits at $0 per credit hour.

Uof X would charge us in-state-tuition for the remaining 6 credits of course work taken at their university. U of X has research credits, but it's too hard for the students to take them their as they are non-degree seeking students at the exchange university since they will receive their degree from U of Us.Well, it seems that U of Us can't charge credits with a dollar amount and credits with no dollar value at the same time it would either have to be the 9 credits at $500 or 9 credits at $0 but we can't mix.

So, I had to spend all week finding a way to either make the system here do something logical that it didn't want to do OR find a class at the other university that would give the students what they needed so ours only had to charge 9 credits of $0 exchange credits.Finally it worked out. We found a class they could use.

THEN, late friday afternoon I got an email that U of X didn't want to charge our students in-state tuition because we've sent 12 students to them and they have only have registered 5 students here - so they feel there is an imbalance (never mind our tuition is twice theirs). So, they want to revisit the agreement AND discuss if they should continue with this million dollar grant now or in the future. This message was from the Assistant to the Chancellor so this is not a mid-management administrator expressing this.

I suspect the indirect return they receive to the institution outweighs the lost tuition for students who never would have been there.This may make a few decision in the future a little easier.

*shakes head at short sightedness*

So, not only have I beat my head, but caused other in our billing department to beat theirs.
Ultimately, it was fixed, but it did cause a bloody mess.

(Danielle - is this layout better? I've wanted to try something different, this just pushed me in the right direction!)

And it left a bloody mess. . .

I've spent the past 48 hours trying to solve a problem. I needed a system to do something it was resisting. It was logical, it was possible - but it wasn't easy.


So, I found myself beating my head against the wall. Unfortunately, I know I led several other people to beat their heads too. Thankfully I found another solution.


I hate it when something simple turns into something so very complex.


Now I get to solve the problem from one year ago. I'm not looking forward to this endevour.


But, it's what I do!



Now, I know I have people who read - and as this is national delurking week as started here drop me a line.

Happy Birthday to my Oldest!

WOW, she's 7. I can remember so much of my little sweetie's life. So much I have forgotten.

My creative little child who can make anything she wants out of paper, tape, glue and string. You need a purse or wallet - no problem, doll break a leg, I can make a cast.

She loves her sports - t-ball, soccer, ice skating.

She's senstive and loving, a perfectionist and frustrating.

But, she's all ours!

Happy Birthday Little Girl!

Sunday Six - before they smell like fish

"Sunday Six!" is a game where Kelly asks us to have six questions answered. Remember, the idea is to post answers to the following six question, but the trick is to get your kids to answer them! If you don't have kids, use your imagination... Your pet, your neighbor, your elderly family member, your roommate, etc. Did you play? Let me and Kelly know so we can visit you. Today I was able to ask Sarah (SB - age 6) and Sydney (SK - age 3) the questions.

1. What is a Guest?

SB: I don't know.

SK: It's somebody who comes to your house to visit.

2. Where does a Guest sleep?

SB: I don't know.

SK: (Sydney: I think she's going to say 'In a bed.') In a couch in our office where it turns to a bed.

3. Have you had a Guest at your home recently? If so, who?

SB: NO.

SK: We have a few before. Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Furface, and Gramie and Pops.

4. Have you ever been a Guest at some one's home? If so, where?

SB: NO

SK: Yes. Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Furface, and Gramie and Pops, and our cousin's house.

5. How long do you keep a Guest?

SB: I don 't know.

SK: I don't know.

6. What things can you do with your Guest when they visit?

SB: I don't know.

SK: Play with them, read storybooks.

While we wait . . .

Today, I WILL finish my holiday cards. Unfortunately, I spent most of the holiday resting. Between being sick all semester and trying to keep up, I really shut down after the semester was over. But, I'm a little more awake today.

So, while I'm busy stuffing envelops, stop by and ask me any question and I'll try to answer it.

(I hope Fantastagirl doesn't mind my borrowing one of her blog topics)

Ten Years Ago:

I was HERE:

Doing THIS:

with HIM:

In record breaking heat for the DC area.

I don't regret a minute - highs and lows.

I love you sweetie.