Happy Birthday Sydney

You are sweet, goofy, lovable and stubborn. We love you so very much. Happy Fourth Birthday!

A funny thing happened on the way to the "party" today. I got to work, grabbed coffee, and sat down to read the online headlines. Sydney's birthday tends to leave me a bit reflective as it's the anniversary of the day I almost lost my life. I spent the morning thinking about the day, planning the email I was going to write to our blood services group to schedule a blood drive. In addition to skilled doctors, the thing that really saved my live was the availability of blood. I used 6 units of various blood products. I've vowed that I would hold a blood drive for each unit I received. I've only managed one drive, but will hold another this spring.

But, as I glanced at the headlines at www.washtingtonpost.com, I saw a headline that captured my attention. It seems that the U.S. plans to attempt it's first uterine transplant on a person. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/14/AR2007011401091.html

Needless to say, there are many people who are against this procedure - much, I suspect, they were opposed to in-vitro, surrogacy, lung and heart transplants, etc. But, these are now seen as mainstream.

The case here, the transplant is temporary - only about as long as it takes to have a child.

The reason this is close to my heart is that I am one of these women. I lost my uterus to save my life. Thankfully, I was lucky. This was my last planned pregnancy. We were fairly certain there would be no more. Not enough to do anything about it yet, but fairly certain.

Unfortunately, when you have a traumatic birth, you really want a do-over. You want a chance to have a happy birth memory. Not one that is fraught with painful recovery and guilty feelings that you can't care for you children. Adoption and Surrogacy help fill some of the void, but they don't completely repair the heart that wanted to feel a child kicking in them, know their child is hearing "their" beating heart and not someone else's.

I understand the drive to want this, pray for it's success. I don't need it, but I understand.

Unfortunately, even after bearing a child, I'm not sure you understand.

I've belonged to a lot of groups in the past 10 years - the ones that experience infertility, the ones who have miscarriages, and the ones who have no uterus. Each one thinks the other has it easier than them. The truth is, ALL are missing a dream. Some have more hope than others, but each groups pain is equal - just different.

My hope today is that we can become a bit more understanding of each other. I hope that my daughters can make a difference someday.

I wish that I could just focus on Sydney's birthday instead of having her day wrapped in so many other feelings.